first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
