he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
