i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
