I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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