capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
