Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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