Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions