I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
tell me about the fingering
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