The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart