that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?