there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...