im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I smell stomach acid.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.