Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
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I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
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I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.