i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body