It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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