you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
