She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
