Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
