During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
