oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
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I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
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My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have post one night stand depression
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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