I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
