She said her name was "party"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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