Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i've created a new STD.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm both gender and math confused
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
