He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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