I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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