i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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