I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
