but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
