im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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