Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Randomize
