i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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