Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
