The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
