You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize