The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
