I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm at about main and main street
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
