just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
