They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Everything about him screamed your future.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
