running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
