A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
