It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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