Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
