you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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