When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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