He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
