I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
