Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
