I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
