Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
