hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
