my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize