Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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