my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
