I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
