I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
