Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
