I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
