we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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