Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
