I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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