he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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