wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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