Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
