butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
