You can't special order awesome
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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