he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
