no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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