He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
