i don't like sucking hair
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
