My liver just broke up with me...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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