Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
