Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
