She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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