So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
