My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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