We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
