Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
