WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
