dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
lets start a swedish sibling band together
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize