but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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