i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize