So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
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Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
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I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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